Freebies Anyone?
by anonymousauthor406
Summary: Know anyone who might want a free story? Oh, you do? Well why don't you come on in and we'll have a quick little chat about it! / Update: Final 3 still up for grabs - First 3 stories now posted! :)
1. Chapter 1

A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, an innocent little anonymous author was hassled by a jilted reviewer for offering free stories to the Cats fandom. The innocent post went as follows...

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So I just finished my first multi-chapter fic, "Innocence Lost" and I thought I commemorate the occasion by giving out a few free one-shots. More specifically I'll be giving out one for each chapter of "Innocence Lost," which means I won't have to put the number here because you've all already gone and read it _right?_

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Now, on to the matter at hand.

First and foremost here are my rules for requesting:

1) There are no rules.

2) See above.

I do have one caveat however, when it comes to requests of a more... _adult_... nature. There are some things I'm just not comfortable with, and simply will not write. Those things are few and far between, though, so go ahead and ask if you're not sure.

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These stories will be between one and two thousand words, unless you give me a prompt I REALLY love, in which case I'll probably end up going overboard.

Now you may be asking, "How do you plan on choosing who's getting stories?" I'll tell you. First priority will be given to the four lovely people who left me reviews on "Innocence Lost," but the remaining stories will be chosen based purely on what pops out at me, so make your prompt really interesting if you want to increase your chances. If you don't, why the hell are you still reading this?

Obviously you'll be submitting your requests through the Reviews section so everyone can see that I am actually taking these from you guys and not just making it look like I am while simply cherry picking for special people. The only exceptions are for those four reviewers, who can message their request directly if they'd prefer.

That should just about cover everything... oh wait. There _is_ one last thing... You've only got 48 hours to post your requests. Yup. This baby is going live at 7 pm Pacific Time on May 5th, 2016, and I'll be choosing and posting who's getting their free story at 7:05 pm Saturday (May 7th, 2016, for those of you who have trouble with these things).

Now, in the words of Pat Benetar, HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT!

~AA406

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The poor author was so distraught by the harsh words of the review he knew not what to do, until a wise friend appeared to him, as if in a dream. "Carry on," she said with an encouraging grin. "Toss his review in the bin, to offer free stories is never a sin." With a new sense of vigor, this anonymous author, began writing with righteous fury, for he was in quite a hurry.

"More free stories!" he cried, voice full of pride. "For all those who desire to fuel my literary fire, I shall write their requested tale, during this blow-out sale!" Heart full of joy, like a love struck boy, he ran to the fans, free stories in hand. Then he shouted, as if from a mountain, "Let no author be muted, nor his intentions disputed, so long as his heart is true and he bears stories for you!"

So ends the tale of our poor little author, who never wished to be a bother. Free stories in hand, he took a stand and fought the reviews that gave him the blues.


	2. You'll Find it Next Week

**_A/N:_** _I'm so sorry it took so long for me to get started on these! I promise I'll be quicker in getting the rest finished. Here's the first one, for the always lovely Evelyn Knight. A nice bit of fluff featuring Misto & Tugger and a human home. Hope you enjoy!_

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"Are we almost there Quaxo?"

"Yes Tugger, we're almost there," he replied, exasperation clear in his voice. "Everlasting knows what I was thinking when I agreed to this."

"You were thinking that since it's getting to be so cold at night you'd be a doll and let your best friend stay with you and your humans." He nuzzled Quaxo's head affectionately as he spoke. There was always something about the little tux that kept Tugger perennially vexed. Obviously Quaxo was an absolutely _stunning_ tom. His shining black and white fur, his svelte figure, his sparkling azure eyes, his sharp tongue. Any one of those things was enough to peak Tugger's interest, but all of them rolled up into one cat? That was mate material, even if that cat happened to be another tom who just so happened to be his best friend.

"Well that's one possibility, though I'm pretty sure it was because I knew you'd never quit pestering me about it until I gave in so I saved myself the trouble," he said wryly as he quickened his pace and stepped ahead of Tugger, giving him a rather pleasing view of his perfectly formed rear. They completed the rest of their journey in silence until Quaxo halted just outside the garden gate. "We can't risk being seen as jellicles here Tug."

"You mean I have to...?"

"Yes Tugger. You'll have to go down on all fours like normal cats."

"Aww come on! I hate doing that, you know I do."

"Well that's the price you pay for being with a human family, so suck it up." Quaxo dropped onto all four paws, leapt onto the gate, and looked down at Tugger. "You coming or not?"

Tugger grumbled an unintelligible response before joining Quaxo on the gate and following him down into the garden. He was feeling a bit nervous as they approached what he assumed was the entrance to the human's den. He'd seen plenty of these massive dens before, but he'd never actually been in one before. When they'd reached the entrance Quaxo turned to him.

"Now before we go any further, you'll need to know a couple things. First and foremost: you'll be able to understand them, but they can't understand you, so don't bother trying to speak to them. The only things they comprehend are that when we purr we're happy and when we hiss we're mad. Also, even though they can't understand what we're saying, they can hear us when we speak, so we have to limit conversation when they're around so we don't arouse suspicion. Any questions?" Tugger opened his mouth for one of his signature wise-ass remarks, but Quaxo quickly cut him off. "No? None? Good. Now start pawing the door with me, and make some noise so the humans will open it."

Tugger was slightly confused by all the pretense, but he figured he'd just follow Quaxo's lead. After a minute or two the entrance to the den (or "door" as Quaxo had called it) opened and an old lady appeared in the opening.

"Mr. Mistoffelees! Oh little Annette and I missed you so much!"

Tugger snapped his head around to stare at Quaxo. "Mr. Mistoffelees is it?"

"Yes it's the name they gave me. I hear one word about it and when we go back to the yard everyone is going to hear about that little incident you had with the pollicle and the jar of honey." Tugger's eyes narrowed and Quaxo gave him his most flirtatious wink.

"Oh Mistoffelees! I didn't even see that you brought a friend with you! My, what a coat he has!" Tugger basked in the attention as they entered the den. He was none too happy when she picked him up and began examining him however, and nearly gave her a nasty clawing before Quaxo gave him a look to remind him where he was. He resigned himself to the treatment and went limp as she had her way with him and spoke meaningless words. Eventually the ordeal was over and she allowed him to leap to the carpeted floor. "Annette is going to be so excited when she sees you two. Of course we'll have to come up with a name for you..." She continued rambling long after Tugger and Quaxo had wandered off to explore her den.

They spent the afternoon with Quaxo lecturing Tugger on every little thing that he might at some point need to know. Of course they went over the important stuff like food, water, and relieving oneself, but Quaxo just kept going and going and going and going. Eventually Tugger just tuned out his voice and took full advantage of the opportunity to check him out without him noticing. There were several occasions when it took every bit of self-control he had to not pounce on Quaxo and make him his own.

"Tug? Tugger! Are you even listening to me?"

He was brought back to reality by a rather irate Quaxo. The tux was scowling at him, obviously annoyed by his lack of attention. To be fair, he had been paying him quite a bit of attention, though he suspected Quaxo wanted him focusing more on his words and less on his derriere.

"Yes...?"

"Really. What did I just say then?"

"You just confessed your undying love to me and asked me to claim you right here, right now." He pounced on Quaxo, pinning him down on the soft carpet of the upstairs hallway.

Quaxo looked up at him with a raised eyebrow. "Everlasting I'm _so_ turned on right now, how will I ever control myself?" he deadpanned. "Now if you're quite finished we do have a few more things to cover."

"Oh come on Quax, can't it wait? We've been at this for hours already. Why don't we have some fun?"

"I'd be more inclined to acquiesce to your request if you weren't straddling me."

Tugger debated the pros and cons for a moment. On the one paw, he was straddling Quaxo, something he was very much enjoyed. On the other, he just might be able to get out of all the rest of Quaxo's never ending lectures if he got off. In the end, even the thought of more lectures bored him terribly, so he begrudgingly released the tux.

"Now what is it you had in mind?"

"Well you know how at the Ball I always sing about you playing tricks on the family?" Tugger queried, mischievous grin spreading ear to ear.

"No. Uh-uh. Not happening."

"Come on it'll be fun! Nothing bad, just a little harmless prank."

"How harmless?" Quaxo asked suspiciously.

"Nothing big... How about one from the song? You know that line about looking for a knife or a fork? Why don't you make the knife vanish next time one of the humans is using one?"

Quaxo was silent for a moment, obviously considering it. Despite all the effort he put into maintaining his stoic and aloof image, Tugger knew that deep down Quaxo was just as wild as he was, and even more so on very rare occasions. Just as counterintuitively, Tugger was actually Quaxo's intellectual equal and could hold very long philosophical debates with the tux, provided no one else was around to overhear. Eventually an equally wicked grin spread across Quaxo's face. "I know just when to do it. They always have tea and scones when Annette returns in the afternoon."

They waited in eager anticipation for the old woman to begin preparing for the afternoon tea. When the moment finally came they were both bubbling with excitement. She put the kettle on and laid out several scones on a lovely china platter before retrieving the butter dish and with it the butter knife. The toms shot each other mischievous glances, waiting for her to turn her back.

The moment she turned to retrieve the teabags from a cupboard above the counter, Quaxo closed his eyes and the knife vanished. Completely oblivious, the old woman continued preparing for tea, setting out the cups and saucers alongside the milk and sugar, two small plates for the scones and then... She looked around, plainly bewildered by the disappearance of the knife. She searched the kitchen madly, frantically trying to find the illusive butter knife.

Meanwhile the two toms were screaming with laughter at her confusion, thoroughly enjoying the spectacle. Tugger fought to regain enough breath to speak, eventually succeeding. "See I told you it'd be worth it!" As he finished he doubled over again, in another fit of laughter. "Where'd you end up sending it?"

"You'll see," Quaxo replied with a sly wink and a taunting smirk.

Not two minutes later, the door swung open and a young girl, no more than fourteen stepped in, wearing an expression of bewilderment to match the old woman's. "Nan? How'd the butter knife end up on the lawn?"


	3. Affairs of the Heart

_**WARNING:**_ _**This story is most certainly worthy of an M Rating. There will be:**_

 _ **Adult Situations**_

 _ **Adult Language**_

 _ **Proceed at your own discretion.**_

 _ **A/N:** Now that that's out of the way we have a little something for HGP. We all know her (if you don't you really should), and we all love her. Without further ado, here's "Affairs of the Heart"...  
_

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The silver tabby felt a chill as he stepped into the cold night air. The moon and stars had retreated behind a sea of clouds, blanketing the junkyard in a sea of darkness. He paused after a few steps to sniff his fur. Daybreak was still a few hours away, plenty of time for the scent to fade before he saw his mate again. He smiled to himself, silently proud of his lecherous activities. Sure he loved his mate, but there were certain desires she couldn't fulfill. Desires another in the junkyard happily filled each time the tabby stood watch during the night.

Being the protector could be a challenge, especially since it required that he be a pinnacle of propriety. During the day he certainly was, and was well respected for it. But a tom can't be expected to go through life without some vice, some secret pleasure. Hell, Tugger didn't even try to keep his secret. Everyone in the yard knew he always had a bit of nip handy and that his den was in dire need of a revolving door. Besides, who was to say that a tom couldn't love two different cats? True, his night engagements rarely involved more than satiating his carnal desires, but before they'd ever mated, and still to this day, he did feel _something_ for his... whatever you wanted to call it. Maybe it wasn't actually love and just lust. But if it was, why did he care so much? What ever happened to the good old days when it was expected that a tom would get some on the side from time to time? When it was known that such things were short lived and that said tom would go back to his mate. Everlasting he was having feelings. That's why. He'd become emotionally attached to his side dish. So much so that he almost wanted it more than the main course. Sure side dishes were meant to be a delicious accompaniment to the main course, but now it seemed he was becoming less and less interested in that main course and was focusing entirely on the side dish. Surely that meant he had to end it didn't it? It wasn't like the feeling would be mutual. He'd never shown any intention of leaving Demeter, had he?

His thoughts were interrupted as he was overwhelmed by a sharp pain emanating from the back of his head. The world around him began to spin as he fought to keep his balance. He was vaguely aware of strong arms catching as he fell to his knees before he slipped into unconsciousness...

* * *

Alonzo curled up on his still warm blankets, drinking in the lingering scents. The den was filled with the heavy, musky scent of heat and his blankets still smelt of the one who until moments ago had been warming them. He laid there still feeling the rush of their mating. His whole body felt amazing, as if he'd just had a bit of nip and was reclining on cloud. These midnight mating sessions always left him feeling good, but this time was on an entirely different level. Something was different. Normally he always felt responsible for tending to his partner's needs, that _he_ was responsible for the two of them enjoying themselves. This time though, it felt like it did the first time. Like they were one again.

Their first time together had come entirely by surprise. They'd just been talking, enjoying each other's company when their lips just sort of... met. It wasn't long before they found their way into his den, frantically pawing at each other, loins yearning to claim their prize. In those moments, all they'd wanted was the other, to feel their hearts beat as one, to feel their pulse racing.

He knew it was foolish, but he'd always quietly hoped that they'd be together by now. But who was he fooling? Only himself really. Munkustrap was mated already, and he wasn't about to leave Demeter for him.

So what was the point then? All that magic he'd been feeling from their mating had faded away. Why did he leap at every chance to have a few moments alone with him? Why couldn't he just realize that the two of them would never have anything beyond these midnight trysts?

He sighed as his eyes began to well up. He knew why he couldn't. He was fully and truly in love with Munkustrap.

* * *

Upon his awakening, Munkustrap found his mouth gagged and his arms and legs bound. He frantically examined his surroundings to figure out what had happened and where he was. As far as he could tell, he was lying on the floor of one of the abandoned cars that could be found scattered throughout the junkyard. The place had an unmistakable scent lingering in the air, and immediately Munkustrap knew who his captor was.

"Good. You're awake." The voice echoed in the shadows, as if its owner were hiding in every single one. Munkustrap's head whipped around, trying to locate the source. A moment later the large red tom stepped into a shaft of moonlight. "I don't particularly feel like exchanging pleasantries tonight, so why don't we just dive in to the matter at hand? Now, as everyone in your little tribe is well aware, you're mated to my daughter. I may not win any greatest father awards, but she is still my daughter and I hate to see her hurt." Munkustrap attempted to protest through his gag, to no avail. "Oh come now, you think I don't know? You reek of that tom you were just fucking. Of course I'm not one to judge such things," he knelt down beside Munkustrap and began running his paws up and down his body, "given my own proclivities, but my daughter? Well... she might not be so _understanding_. I can't imagine the scandal would do much for your reputation within the tribe. Cheating on poor Demeter, the innocent queen who grew up in fear of her own father? Your position as protector certainly wouldn't help matters any. I might even go so far as to wager that you'd end up exiled just like me. Now at this point, I'm sure you'll be wondering what it is that I want..."

* * *

Alonzo couldn't take it anymore. He had to talk to Munkustrap. He had to know what they meant to each other. Were they friends with benefits? Lovers? Was their relationship going anywhere? His head hurt just trying to figure out what each possible answer meant for them. He didn't even know how he would react. He wanted to think that he'd be strong enough to draw a line and make Munk choose what he wanted, but he deep down he knew he'd cave if Munk said he just wanted a friend with benefits. It was still something, wasn't it?

He stepped out of his den, searching for any clue as to where Munkustrap had gone after his departure. Seeing nothing, he figured Munk would probably have gone towards the central clearing, since he'd want to be as easily accessible as possible in case of emergency. Alonzo smiled at the irony, given that he'd been VERY inaccessible not 10 minutes ago.

As he walked he picked up a trace of Munkustrap's scent, confirming he was on the right track. A few steps further he caught another scent. This one was familiar, but it certainly wasn't one of the jellicles. Munkustrap's scent was also much stronger here, as if... Alonzo began examining his surroundings, certain there was some source of Munkustrap's scent. He saw a small board lying on the ground, glistening on one end. He picked it up and touched his paw to the gleaming surface. A chill ran down his spine when he saw that it had stained his paw red and he remembered who the second scent belonged to. Macavity.

He put all his questions and emotions on hold and began following the scent. Everything else could wait. All that mattered now was figuring out what had happened. There was no doubt in his mind that the blood was Munkustrap's, which in turn meant that it had been Macavity that swung the board, which had to mean that he'd abducted Munkustrap. Macavity wasn't the sort to kill Munkustrap quietly and then hide his body. If he was planning to kill him, he would've done it publicly to make sure everyone saw his strength. The only reasonable explanation was that he wanted something from Munkustrap. But what in the hell could he possibly want from him?

* * *

"So then... whose life is it to be...? Yours... ? or his?"

Munkustrap's whole body burned with rage. His entire world was crumbling around him and there was nothing he could do. He could either face public shame and exile for his infidelity or offer up another jellicle in his place. His mind raced as he tried to find a way out, but he couldn't. Unless... He examined the tom before him and decided it was worth a shot. "I think we might be able to come to an... _alternative_ arrangement?" He spoke with every ounce of salaciousness he could muster.

"Is that so? Are you really willing to prostitute yourself just to save your pet?"

"He's not just my pet. I... I..." The words caught in his throat as he realized what he was saying. Not because they were untrue, but because they were true.

* * *

Alonzo was quietly listening from his hiding place in the shadows on the hood of the car. He'd almost been sick when he heard Macavity's ultimatum. In part because of the heinousness of it, but also because Munkustrap was being forced to choose between him and his mate. He couldn't believe Munkustrap would make either choice, and his heart dropped out of his chest when Munkustrap began speaking so soon. He was so distraught he almost didn't even hear what came next. Almost.

* * *

"I love him. So yes, I'll do whatever it takes to keep him safe."

"Awfully fond words for your bit on the side. What of my daughter?"

"Odd that you're asking about my relationship with your daughter while you're considering allowing me to buy your silence by fucking you."

Before Macavity could respond a white and black blur slammed him to the ground. Munkustrap tried to maneuver himself into a position that would give him a view of what was occurring and who his savior was. His ears and nose quickly gave him the answers his eyes couldn't. He heard the sounds of the two toms fighting before Macavity cried out and the noise stopped. He squeezed eyes shut, hoping that it would be Alonzo he saw when he opened them.

A moment later he felt familiar lips pressing against his and he felt his whole body relax. Eyes still shut, he returned the kiss, heart still racing. When their lips parted he opened his eyes and saw Alonzo kneeling beside him, soaked in blood.

"Munk, are you alright?"

"I'm fine Lon. Listen there's something I need to tell you."

"I love you too Munk. I heard the whole thing. I know what you were willing to do for me. But what about Demeter?"

"I guess she's just going to have to deal with it. I still care for her, but I _love_ you. I didn't even realize it until tonight. I'm so sorry Lon..." His voice broke and his eyes welled as he spoke.

"It's alright Munk. We have each other now. That's all that matters." Alonzo wrapped his arms around the tabby and pulled him to his chest.

"Hey Lon?"

"Yeah?"

"This moment is really moving, but the whole bound paws and feet thing is kinda killing it for me." Alonzo blushed and apologized before untying him. "Now... Where were we?"

* * *

 ** _A/N:_** _And there you have it folks! Stay tuned for the rest of the requests here on FF dot net!_


	4. Black & White

**_A/N:_** _And now we have the third request, for my good friend FUBARinbound. When he asked for some comedic Mistonzo fluff, I was a little nervous since I've hardly ever seen anything of them from which I could draw some inspiration, but I ended up having a lot of fun with this one, and I hope you enjoy it!_

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It's tragic how often two people can know each other for so long and yet pass each other by like ships in the night; completely unaware that the other was there. Thankfully this story is not one of _those_ stories, rather, it is a story of two ships that just needed a little helping hand to finally find each other. Oh. Wait. Probably shouldn't have told you that yet. S**t...

Well I guess at this point I might as well scrap all the poetic crap I had lined up for this intro since I've already made a complete mess of it. So yeah, now you know what's coming and I guess we might as well get on with it then. To use the old cliche, it all began when Mistoffelees paid me a visit one morning not so very long ago...

"Munk...? Munk? Could I have a moment?" I looked up to see the tux's head poking through the entrance to my den.

"Sure, what's on your mind?" I replied, setting down my crocheting and gesturing for him to enter. He was obviously very nervous about whatever it was he'd come to speak with me about, so I sat myself down next to him and gave him a friendly nuzzle.

"It's... It's Alonzo." The poor tux could barely manage to get the words out of his mouth without choking on them.

"What's wrong? Has he done something to you?" I'd never known Alonzo to be the sort who would do such a thing, but whatever was going on was enough to thoroughly affect the cat most known for his aloofness.

"No, no he hasn't..." At this point he was trembling and on the verge of tears.

"Everlasting, what's the matter then? I've never seen you like this before Mistoffelees."

He buried his face in my shoulder and began sobbing. "I- I love him. I hardly even know him and somehow I've fallen completely in love with him."

"What's wrong with that? Why would that have you upset? He hasn't rejected you has he?"

"It's not right! It's not the way things are meant to be."

I sighed inwardly at this. I knew at some point I'd be having this conversation with someone, but I'd hoped it wouldn't be someone as delicate as Mistoffelees. As I mentioned before, he had a reputation for being aloof in the junkyard, but I'd noticed him slip on more than occasion and came to the conclusion that his aloofness was a coping mechanism for his sensitivity. Tragically it appeared I was right, and I put my arms around the weeping tux.

"Mistoffelees I need to you listen to what I'm about to tell you. It is what it is. All things that are, were meant to be that way. You wouldn't put yourself through this kind of pain voluntarily. It may not be the way most of us are and as such may not be normal, but that doesn't make it wrong, just different. Nobody here should ever have a problem with that. If anyone does, I'll deal with it." I took a deep breath, considering my next words carefully. "There's something else you should know. But I'll need you to promise that you'll never tell anyone else."

"...ok..."

"Everyone knows Tugger is the yard flirt. He flirts with everyone, including you and the other toms. What everyone else doesn't know is that just as many toms as queens have graced his blankets."

"But he's Tugger..."

"I've done it too Mistoffelees. Right around the time we became toms, you're too young to remember, Jerrie and I had a short-lived affair. Eventually we realized it wasn't going to work out and we both went on with our lives, but neither of us regret it in the slightest."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. I wouldn't go shouting it from atop the junk piles, but it's nothing to be ashamed of..."

We stayed there together until Mistoffelees was able to collect himself. He'd returned to his normal aloofness by the time he left, but I knew he was grateful for my having been there. I stayed a few minutes more, considering the conversation I'd just had. Despite my better judgement, I decided I'd seek out Alonzo and have a chat with him.

Now some may call me a busybody, but I like to think that I'm just good at bringing people together. After I found Alonzo and had struck up a conversation, I casually began leading him to a certain spot where a certain tuxedo tom and white queen just so happened to be dancing together. Of course that was entirely coincidental and not at all my plan all along.

"Stunning aren't they?"

"Huh? What?" Alonzo shook his head, obviously not having heard what I'd said.

"I said, they look absolutely stunning."

"Yeah... stunning." He was completely gone again, staring off at the two dancers, completely enthralled.

"See something you like?"

"What?! No! What gave you that idea? Of course not- huh?" He looked as if I'd just told everyone about that rather embarrassing encounter he had with the Siamese queen that turned out to be a rather promiscuous tom.

"Easy, easy! There's no shame in finding a queen like Victoria attractive."

"Sure yeah that's it. Totally got a thing for Vicky. Yup."

"Now say it like you actually mean it Lonz."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh nothing... nothing at all..."

"You know, don't you? How did you figure it out?" His tone changed quickly from accusatory to sheepish.

"Know what Lonz?" Ok maybe that was a bit cruel, but I wanted to hear him say it, just to be sure. His response was completely unintelligible. "What did you say?"

"I said I have a crush on Misto, ok? There it is! You happy now?" In truth I was very happy, but I didn't want to give up Mistoffelees' secret.

"Is that all? Everlasting you made it sound like you were planning to murder them both!"

"You're- you're not upset?"

"Why would I be?"

"I don't know. I guess I thought people wouldn't take to kindly to this kind of thing."

 _Oh great. Here we go again,_ I thought to myself, preparing for a repeat of the morning's conversation, and repeat it I did. Alonzo, luckily, was nowhere near as weepy as Mistoffelees, but he was just as agitated. I left the part about Tugger out that time, since he obviously didn't need as much reassurance as Mistoffelees and Tugger would kill me if I ever let it out. Thank Everlasting he doesn't have any literary inclinations and will never read this.

Anyway, the moment Alonzo confessed to me the wheels in my head began turning, but it wasn't until we'd parted ways when I really began formulating my plan. At first I had all kinds of schemes, most involving seven jars of marmalade, a stick of dynamite, my crochet needles and three thousand origami cranes, but I decided it would be too difficult to guarantee the safe return of my needles so I abandoned those ideas. Eventually I realized the key to getting the two lovebirds together was simplicity. Neither of them is stupid, and one or both would've seen straight through any convoluted machinations I could have come up with.

My plan was beautiful in its simplicity. All it would require was a little smooth talking on my part in order to convince the two of them, then they'd do the rest. Simple, right?

The first part went exactly to plan. I approached both of them individually and told them I had an idea. I told them I could arrange for them to be alone on a special made-up guard detail so they could have some time alone together. Both were hesitant at first, but wound up warming to the idea and agreeing to it. Obviously I didn't tell them that I already knew they both had feelings for each other; I had to leave part of it to them!

Unfortunately however, things sort of went downhill from there. They were both a bit nervous when they met me in the clearing behind the TSE1 and neither seemed to stop fidgeting as I gave them their instructions. After I sent them on their way I followed them for a while and watched over them until they finally seemed to be getting comfortable with each other.

When I checked on them later, though, it was obvious neither of them had made any progress, so I decided to give them a little nudge it the right direction. I started gently, dropping in from time to time to ask Alonzo to help me lift something or have Mistoffelees conjure something up for me. As the day progressed I became increasingly desperate as neither of them was taking any of the opportunities I was giving them. By the time they met me back in the clearing to report on everything, I'd had enough.

Alonzo had just finished telling me about how they'd completed some utterly pointless task I'd given them when I finally cracked.

"Oh for the love of Everlasting would you two just kiss already?" I hollered in annoyance. Mistoffelees' face grew red as he stared at the ground and Alonzo's eyes grew wide with shock. "How do you think I managed to get both of you to agree to this? Mistoffelees, Alonzo thinks you're gorgeous. Alonzo, Misto is madly in love with you. Just get it over with already!" I somehow managed to get all of that out in one breath, but by the end I was panting heavily.

"Munk... There's something you ought to know..." Mistoffelees began sheepishly.

"Misto and I... Well..." Alonzo continued.

"We're mates now," finished Mistoffelees before pulling Alonzo in for a kiss.

My mind went blank as I processed what I was witnessing. "Wait what? When? How? Huh?"

"Munk, we love you, but you're not exactly good at stalking people."

"Yeah, Lon and I clocked you following us early on and I ended up spilling to him."

"Then what was all that I saw?"

"Well obviously we couldn't let you get away with trying to baby sit us, so we had a little fun," Mistoffelees said with a smirk.

"It was all Misto's idea really," said Alonzo, pulling the tux in close to him. "We figured it would drive you absolutely mad if you thought we were both to scared to make a move."

"And we were right! You should've seen yourself trying to get Lon to show off his muscles and hoping my magic would inspire him to say something." By this point the two were doubled over laughing.

"So all that was just an act to mess with me?" The two nodded, both still laughing. "Fine then," I said with a grin. "I guess you two will be working the late shift for the next two weeks while I take some time off to get some beauty rest and catch up on my crocheting."

"Oh gee, how will we ever pass the time?" quipped Alonzo, before giving his new mate a long and passionate kiss.


End file.
